Today happened what I was fearing the most; totally unexpected as a matter of fact.
This morning I approached my employer to organize my new working schedule. During two weeks had I been studying to become a Lifeguard and now I finally had the chance to work as one. That's what I thought at least, but no. As soon as the congratulations and greetings were over, did she tell me that the managers were on vacations during three weeks. The idea was to start right away. The only reason I had given up my vacation was to work and save my financial situation. Over three weeks would my vacation be over without any worthwhile work done at all.
Anger was no good. I chose for heading home and burst in tears while lying on my carpet. Why? Because precisely during those 3 weeks of 'free time' an evangelical campaign would go on in Israel where I should've been. No, I couldn't go due to finances. So 'ironically', during the only three weeks of the year that I actually have free time, am I not able to do what I'm supposed to do due to money.

I always promised to myself, "Don't let ever money be a limiting factor for God's will for you." Voilá! For the first time ever in my entire life of faith and miracle over miracle has that promise been torn into pieces. Lack of faith maybe? bad luck? a "Reality check, baby"?

Now, swallowed by the sea of unfaithfulness and living the real world like I've never done before, am I becoming more and more a natural man whom I'm not. Far from home, with no church to feel home at, with my dearest friends further than ever from me, and Spiritually, totally torn appart, am I here adrift like a sailboat with no sail led deep into the ocean by these waterseas...
By God's mercy and grace may I again find the sail, that Faith needed to lead me safely to the Lighthouse, to the Tower of strength, and to the place where reality has no meaning. A place in which God's Greatness overwhelm the rationalism and His Will overpowers any sort of understanding. A place where Faith does have a meaning.