Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
Stress, pressure, limitation, lack of resources; words closely related to a shortage of money. One way or the other has that situation got to be solved. It may be sometimes a blessing while other times it can become your worst enemy; no matter how much you have. This is my story:
Part 1:
Due to a money shortage was I compelled to work in order to pay all bills. One way or the other, have I always had the chance to work in a place where I could call myself useful due to my capabilities. This time the case was totally different. After relentlessly searching for something suitable to my person had I realized that my only chance so far was to work in a logistics deposit. Sorting boxes, opening them, stickering them, and later closing them again was the routine of the day; nothing more. Having to wake up at 5:30am and coming back home at the same time in the afternoon, did I have no energy or mood left but to lie flat on my bed due to exhaustion and frustration.
Frustrated because instead of moving forward, did I feel myself moving backwards. Praise be to God that I at least have a job and the chance to make myself useful for something regadless the task. However, I had to learn humbleness while at the same time did I realize God doesn't give us talents for them to be wasted and lost for the sake of money or the lack of possibilities. The frustration and anger within bursted out when right after the last day of work I was neglected by two other possible and preferable jobs. I felt helpless, powerless. The fact that I couldn't do better was tearing me down. The fear for having to do that job for a longer period of time was consuming me from inside out.
"Do Not Worry (Matthew 6:25-34)
25 “I tell you, do not worry. Don't worry about your life and what you will eat or drink. And don't worry about your body and what you will wear. Isn't there more to life than eating? Aren't there more important things for the body than clothes?
26 “Look at the birds of the air. They don't plant or gather crops. They don't put away crops in storerooms. But your Father who is in heaven feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are?
27 “Can you add even one hour to your life by worrying?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the wild flowers grow. They don't work or make clothing.
29 But here is what I tell you. Not even Solomon in all of his glory was dressed like one of those flowers.
30 “If that is how God dresses the wild grass, won't he dress you even better? After all, the grass is here only today. Tomorrow it is thrown into the fire. Your faith is so small!
31 “So don't worry. Don't say, ‘What will we eat?’ Or, ‘What will we drink?’ Or, ‘What will we wear?’
32 People who are ungodly run after all of those things. Your Father who is in heaven knows that you need them.
33 “But put God's kingdom first. Do what he wants you to do. Then all of those things will also be given to you.
34 “So don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
What have I done wrong? When did I lose my target? Did I learn to trust You? Will you take me out of this depth and lift me up? What are you trying to tell me?
Oh Father, please forgive me for my faith hath fainted and withered into the oceans of troubles. Rising billows of doubt and confusion crush into my heart and soul. I can hardly rely on the tower of strength which is Jesus Christ. Please forgive me for who I am. For not trusting you even when the days are dark and sinister. Oh Father, I'm deeply wretched for forgetting that the sun shines nevertheless. Please, give me patience and trust enough to remember that the rain will pass away. Though I must also be grateful for this rain. Without it, how will the flowers blossom?
Part 1:
Due to a money shortage was I compelled to work in order to pay all bills. One way or the other, have I always had the chance to work in a place where I could call myself useful due to my capabilities. This time the case was totally different. After relentlessly searching for something suitable to my person had I realized that my only chance so far was to work in a logistics deposit. Sorting boxes, opening them, stickering them, and later closing them again was the routine of the day; nothing more. Having to wake up at 5:30am and coming back home at the same time in the afternoon, did I have no energy or mood left but to lie flat on my bed due to exhaustion and frustration.
Frustrated because instead of moving forward, did I feel myself moving backwards. Praise be to God that I at least have a job and the chance to make myself useful for something regadless the task. However, I had to learn humbleness while at the same time did I realize God doesn't give us talents for them to be wasted and lost for the sake of money or the lack of possibilities. The frustration and anger within bursted out when right after the last day of work I was neglected by two other possible and preferable jobs. I felt helpless, powerless. The fact that I couldn't do better was tearing me down. The fear for having to do that job for a longer period of time was consuming me from inside out.
"Do Not Worry (Matthew 6:25-34)
25 “I tell you, do not worry. Don't worry about your life and what you will eat or drink. And don't worry about your body and what you will wear. Isn't there more to life than eating? Aren't there more important things for the body than clothes?
26 “Look at the birds of the air. They don't plant or gather crops. They don't put away crops in storerooms. But your Father who is in heaven feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are?
27 “Can you add even one hour to your life by worrying?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the wild flowers grow. They don't work or make clothing.
29 But here is what I tell you. Not even Solomon in all of his glory was dressed like one of those flowers.
30 “If that is how God dresses the wild grass, won't he dress you even better? After all, the grass is here only today. Tomorrow it is thrown into the fire. Your faith is so small!
31 “So don't worry. Don't say, ‘What will we eat?’ Or, ‘What will we drink?’ Or, ‘What will we wear?’
32 People who are ungodly run after all of those things. Your Father who is in heaven knows that you need them.
33 “But put God's kingdom first. Do what he wants you to do. Then all of those things will also be given to you.
34 “So don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
What have I done wrong? When did I lose my target? Did I learn to trust You? Will you take me out of this depth and lift me up? What are you trying to tell me?
Oh Father, please forgive me for my faith hath fainted and withered into the oceans of troubles. Rising billows of doubt and confusion crush into my heart and soul. I can hardly rely on the tower of strength which is Jesus Christ. Please forgive me for who I am. For not trusting you even when the days are dark and sinister. Oh Father, I'm deeply wretched for forgetting that the sun shines nevertheless. Please, give me patience and trust enough to remember that the rain will pass away. Though I must also be grateful for this rain. Without it, how will the flowers blossom?
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